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  When:  July 28, 2007 - 8 p.m. EST.

Where:  Mistresses MoM Fanfic Awards

 

         

 

Bios on The Montecito Seven (Mag 7/Las Vegas AU)  

Credits and Thank Yous

Program of Events for Awards Night

The Magnificent Seven Letter by Letter 26 Reasons You Love  Mag 7

Tanner’s Poetry Corner

Gambling Quotes to Live By

Standish’s Words of Wisdom

MoM Awards – Magnificent Statistics

Dunne’s Humor Column
Magnificent (Mambo Number) Seven (to the chorus of "Mambo #5") 
Everyone's Free (To Watch The Magnificent Seven)
Magnificent Advertisements

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Do you feel lucky?  Grab your dice and playing cards and prepare for a wild and

wooly experience at the sixth annual Mistresses of Malarkey (MoM) Magnificent Seven

Fanfic Awards Ceremony.  First of all, none of this could be possible if it were not

for a much-loved TV series called "The Magnificent Seven” that has won the fans’

hearts and imaginations. Second, let me introduce you to the seven men

(Las Vegas style) who continue the stories of the Seven and prove that

 “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”   

 

 

 

      

    Chris Larabee  is a former FBI Special Agent who was assigned to investigate organized crime.  He left the Bureau when his wife and son were tragically killed in a house fire while he was out of town on a business trip with colleague and long-time friend, Buck Wilmington.  Hearing about his departure from the FBI, Orin Travis persuaded Larabee into being the Head of Security for the Montecito Resort and Casino.  After coming on board, Chris hired only the best to be on his security team and part of the Montecito staff, including his former FBI colleague Buck Wilmington. He forged a friendship with the six men that he considered to be the core of his staff.  Still recovering from the tragic deaths of his wife and son, his new extended family has helped him through the rough times.


♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

Vin Tanner  is Chris Larabee's right hand man on the Montecito's Security force.  This former Texas Ranger was under suspicion for murder until charges were dropped due to insufficient evidence.  After which, he resigned from the Rangers and headed to Las Vegas to start a new life, but he still continues to search for evidence that will clear his name.  His specialty is weapons and surveillance, which comes in handy with his job at the Montecito. Vin's Mother died when he was a young boy, after which, he grew up in various orphanages and foster homes.  This soft-spoken man has keen observation skills and doesn't miss a thing. 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 JD Dunne  received his Master's degree in Computer Information Systems at the age of 21 from MIT.  Graduating early and well ahead of his class, the youngest member on Montecito's Security Team put himself through college, after his mother's death, with scholarships and money earned doing odd jobs.  Wanting an exciting and interesting job, JD packed up his bags and headed west to Las Vegas.  This computer savvy man is responsible for updating the Montecito's high-tech security system and currently lives in the same apartment complex as his (adopted) big "brother" Buck Wilmington. 

 

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 Buck Wilmington, former FBI Special Agent assigned to investigate organized crime, is a long-time friend of Chris Larabee. Buck followed his good friend to Las Vegas in the hope of earning penance for the guilt he feels for delaying Chris’ return home before the unexpected and tragic deaths of his wife and son, Sarah and Adam.  He was hired by Chris to be the Montecito’s Hospitality Host and part of the Security team.  Buck enjoys his job because it allows him to meet a variety of interesting people, as well as, a bevy of beauties.  He has sort of ‘adopted’ JD Dunne as his ‘little brother'. He keeps an eye out on the young man and makes sure he doesn’t get in trouble in Vegas. 

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦ 

 

  Ezra Standish, the son of a high-rolling con artist he grew up in his Mother's shadow.  Raised by Aunts and Uncles, unless needed on a con, Ezra grew up resentful of his Mother and learned how to fend for himself.  After getting caught trying to run a table at the Montecito, Travis offered him a deal he couldn't refuse – either work for him or go to jail.  Who better to catch a cheat than a cheat?  Hired as the Montecito's casino Head Pit Boss, Standish still has not earned Larabee's trust.

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Nathan Jackson enlisted in the army at the age of eighteen. He received his degree through an Army Scholarship Program and then served as an Army Health Care (AMEDD) doctor for an additional two years.  Upon his discharge, he opted out of opening his own practice and instead opened a free clinic in Las Vegas, Nevada, to help those in need that were short on funds.  Persuaded by Chris Larabee, this Good Samaritan doctor joined the Montecito's team as physician on call.  He also helps out with security when required. His warm and friendly style has made him a favorite of the hotel’s staff and guests. 

 

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Josiah Sanchez, the son of a missionary man who has traveled the world seeing the sights and learning about life.  Multilingual, as well as a student of the martial arts, this former preacher can also get a little "Old Testament" if needed.  Haunted by a past incident where he killed a man in self-defense, Josiah learned that sometimes words are better than fists.  He settled in Vegas, the City of Sin, to help the wayward "lost souls".  Hired by Chris Larabee, Josiah chose the position of Head Valet in order to be close to his flock.  When the occasion arises, Josiah also helps with Resort and Casino Security. 

 

 

Experience the stories of

"The Magnificent Seven"  Las Vegas style.

Read how it all started at   Las Vegas Chronicles.

 

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I would like to take a moment to thank the many individuals

who helped make our Sixth Annual Mistresses of Malarkey (MoM) Magnificent Seven Fanfic Awards such a huge hit and a lot of fun.  My sincerest thanks go to. . .

 

-- To my fellow List Moderators –Lady Viper, Lisa S., Laura, Sarah, Sue, Janette, Nancy, and Antoinette – for their help with all the behind the scenes work. Your assistance was invaluable!!

 

--  To Lady Viper, our Graphics Designer, for maintaining the MoM's website, creating the award graphics, and updating the

various awards web pages.  Your artistic talents are incredible!!

 

-- To Antoinette for writing all the beautiful haikus that were used in the program and during the ceremony. 

 

--  To Lisa, our Award Program Editor, for creating this superb "Program of Events" to celebrate this event and to Antoinette for betaing this program.  Magnificent job!!

 

--  To Nancy for supporting and advertising these awards

at her Blackraptor website.

 

--  To the countless volunteers who judged all the wonderful nominated fics!!

 

--  To the gifted authors who create thrilling, poignant, and

fascinating stories based on "The Magnificent Seven."  

CONGRATULATIONS and keep writin'!!

 

--  And last but not least, to all those who read these magnificent tales and nominated these wonderful fics!!  This night could not be possible without you!!  Thank you for your passionate support!!

 

Thanks again to everyone and hope to see you on

July 28th at 8:00 pm EST, at the awards ceremony!

 

                               Rhonda (Luna Dey)

         ♠  ♣  ♥  ♦  ♠  ♣  ♥  ♦  ♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

Welcoming Remarks by Mistresses of Malarkey's

List Mom Rhonda

 

BEST GEN Stories (The One Destiny Award)

Presenters:  Rhonda & ATF Ezra Standish

 

TEARJERKER (The Embroidered Hanky Award)

BEST GEN TEARJERKER     BEST ADULT TEARJERKER

Presenters:  LV Casey Wells, LV Rain Gennessee, & LV Inez Recillos

 

BEST HURT/COMFORT (The Golden Crutch Award)

BEST GEN HURT/COMFORT   BEST ADULT HURT/COMFORT

Presenters:  ATF Nathan Jackson, OW Nathan Jackson, & Laura

 

BEST ADULT- HET (The Ace of Hearts Award)
Presenters:  LV Buck Wilmington & Lady Viper

 

BEST ADULT- SLASH (The Wild Hearts Award)
Presenters:  LV Chris Larabee & LV Rafael Martinez

 

AU OTHER THAN ATF (The Brass Mirror Award)
BEST GEN. NON-ATF AU    BEST ADULT NON-ATF AU

Presenters:  LV Nathan Jackson &  Surprise Guest

 

CROSSOVERS (The Crossroads Award)
BEST GEN. CROSSOVER    BEST ADULT CROSSOVER

Presenters:  LV Josiah Sanchez, LV Maude Standish, & Sue

 

BEST HOLIDAY FIC (any genre) (The Glad Tidings Award)
BEST GEN. HOLIDAY FIC     BEST ADULT HOLIDAY FIC

Presenters:  ATF Josiah Sanchez & Janette

 

INTERMISSION

 

BEST GEN GIGGLES- HUMOR (The Gen Tickled Award)

BEST ADULT GIGGLES - HUMOR (The Adult Tickled Award)

Presenters:  OW JD Dunne & LV JD Dunne

 

BEST HUMOR (The John Dunne Award)

BEST ADULT HUMOR (The Loaded Gun Award)
Presenters:  ATF JD Dunne & Lisa

 

BEST LITTLE BRITCHES (ATF OR OW)

(The Little Britches Award)

Presenters:  ATF Chris Larabee & ATF Buck Wilmington

 

BEST KID FIC GEN (any genre/non-Little Britches)

(The Little Tykes Award)

Presenters:  OW Josiah Sanchez & LV Nettie Wells

 

BEST SEQUENTIAL FICS (any genre) (Mag7 Serial Award)
BEST GEN. SEQUENTIAL    BEST ADULT SEQUENTIAL

Presenters:  LV Orin Travis & LV Jock Steele

 

BEST VIGNETTE (any genre) (The Magnificent Ficlet Award)

BEST GEN VIGNETTE     BEST ADULT VIGNETTE

Presenters:  LV Vin Tanner & Nancy

 

BEST EXTENDED FIC (any genre) (The Best Novella Award)

BEST OW GEN NOVELLA         

BEST OW Adult Novella

BEST AU (including ATF) GEN Novella   

BEST AU (including ATF) ADULT NOVELLA

Presenters:  OW Chris Larabee, OW Buck Wilmington, & Sarah

 

BEST POEM (any genre) (The Vin Tanner Award)
BEST ORIGINAL GEN POEM

Presenters:  OW Vin Tanner, ATF Vin Tanner, & LV Mary Travis

 

BEST NEW AUTHOR (any genre) (The Rising Star Award)
BEST ORIGINAL GEN FIC     BEST ORIGINAL ADULT FIC

Presenters:  Rhonda & LV Ezra Standish

 

  ♥  ♦ SPECIAL AWARDS ♠  ♣


MoM HALL OF FAME AWARD

ACES AWARD (awarded for perfect scores)

Presenters:  Rhonda & OW Ezra Standish

 

 

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The Magnificent Seven Letter by Letter

26 Reasons You Love The Magnificent Seven

 

A - Anderson, Colonel Emmet Riley from the pilot episode, Ghosts of the Confederacy, was the commander of a ragtag group of Confederate soldiers still fighting the war, who found gold trinkets at an Indian village.  It was because of him and his group of soldiers that the SEVEN joined together!!

 

B - Buck Wilmington, ladies' man and rogue. Son of a working girl; he learned that all women are special in their own way, and he never met a woman he didn't like.  Best friend to Chris Larabee and loyal friend to the remaining members of the seven.

 

C - Casey Wells, spunky teenage niece of Nettie Wells and love interest of JD Dunne.  She first appeared in The Collector episode. 

 

D - Dunne, JD, arrived from the east and became the youngest member of the seven.  He is anxious to prove himself, but is often over looked because of his youth, although he claims he is older than he looks. He found himself taken under the wing of 'mother-hen' Buck as his unofficial little brother.

 

E - Ella Gaines, from Obsession, once had an alliance with Chris Larabee, however, he left her just before he met Buck 10 years ago.  She became fixated on ‘her’ Chris and arranged for Cletus Fowler to perpetrate the fiery deaths of Sarah and Adam Larabee.  She avoided death and escaped to an unknown location, still fixated on becoming Mrs. Chris Larabee.

 

F - Firearms – Revolvers, pistols, Colt 45s, Winchester rifles, and a hidden derringer oh MY!!  Gotta love a man who knows how to use his weapon!! 

 

G - Guy Royal was a rich rancher who liked to "collect" goods from the homesteaders before he ousted them off their land.  He appeared in The Collector and The New Law episodes. 

 

H - Horses – These magnificent animals stood fast with the SEVEN during battle.  Loyal and faithful they never let our guys down! 

 

I - Inez Recillos, from Love & Honor, fled from a vengeful Don Paulo to work as a bartender in the "Standish Tavern." 

 

J - Josiah Sanchez, preacher and student of a wide variety of spiritual studies. He has a strong sense of right and wrong, as is evident in his own need for penance for past transgressions.

 

K - Kate and Mattie Stokes, from Ladykillers, sisters who use to ride with Del Spivak and his gang but turned bounty hunters in search of Spivak.  Kate’s faith in the male species was renewed when she met Buck Wilmington while cold-blooded killer Mattie nearly killed JD when she shot him.

 

L - Larabee, Chris, family man turned gunslinger after the tragic deaths of his wife and son.  Held together by his best friend, Buck, until he found a new reason for living in the brotherhood of the seven.

 

M - Maude Standish, Ezra's mother who had been married five times and was also a gambler and con artist always in pursuit of money.  When she showed up, you always knew trouble would follow! 

 

N - Nathan Jackson, ex-slave turned healer.  Took the opportunity to learn all he could about medicine when he was a stretcher-bearer for the Union Army.  He made a place for himself with the seven and the town by using the skills he learned.

 

O - O'Shea, Dicky, from Wagon Train, was an Irish gangster boss who tried to prevent the homesteaders from settling on their new land (which held gold). 

 

P - Purgatory, the Mexican bandit town located just cross the border. The seven visited it several times to apprehend the desperados.

 

Q - Quince – Sheriff Quince, from Inmate 78, was a crocked official in the seedy town of Jericho.  He threw Chris Larabee into prison on a phony charge. 

 

R - Rain, a member of the Seminole Village, and Nathan's love interest. She lost her father in the fight with the Ghosts of the Confederacy.

 

S - Standish, Ezra, gambler and con-man who had always been on the move, staying one step ahead of the law and those he had duped. He found a home, a purpose for his life, and an extended family when he joined the seven.  

 

T - Travis - Judge Orin, Mary, and Bill - Orin, the judge who kept the seven together so they could keep peace in the town. Mary, the judge's daughter-in-law, she owns the Clarion newspaper and has a nose for news that constantly gets her into trouble.  Billy, Mary's son, was the only witness to his father's murder.

 

U - Ugly, one-eyed coward six-and-a-half-foot tall with no hair and a sissy hat, also known as Marshal Top Hat Bob Spikes, from The Collector, had a livelong grudge against Chris Larabee after losing an eye during a rail-splitting contest in Indiana when Chris was 17.

 

V - Vin Tanner, the quiet tracker with a bounty on his head. He was determined to clear his name, but the bond he formed with the Seven was stronger than that need. He made a pact with Chris Larabee, that should he die Chris would collect the bounty. He felt that by having the bounty collected by a friend, he got the last laugh.

 

W - Wickes from Working Girls was the owner of Wickestown, which was a tent-city brothel that supplied prostitutes and liquor to the ranchers. 

 

X – 'Xtreme action-packed episodes that left us hanging on the edge of our seats and anxiously awaiting the next week's installment.   From gun battles, fist fights, explosions, horse chases, and hangin’s, the fans enjoyed each and every exciting episode! 

 

Y - Yates, the phony Federal Marshal from Sins of the Past who was really the right-hand man of Eli Joe and was sent to capture Vin Tanner. 

 

Z - Zealous Missionary, Owen Mosley, from Manhunt, who became outraged when his daughter, Claire Mosley ran away with her Indian lover (and secret husband), Chanu.  When Mosley learned of the baby Claire was carrying he killed her in a fit of rage. 

 

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Tanner’s Poetry Corner

Magnificent Seven Las Vegas Haikus by Antoinette

 

A jewel in the desert

Las Vegas shimmers in the starlight

Twenty four hour action

 

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The Montecito

Magnificent and sparkling

Casino and Resort

 

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Mystique a nightclub

Opus and the Bella Petto Pool Bars

The Wolfgang restaurant

 

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A bouncing white ball

The roulette wheel is spinning

Flashes of red and black

 

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Orin Travis

Montecito's owner

Intelligent and cautious

Hired the best man

 

Chris Larabee

Security chief

A FBI special agent

Struck by tragedy

 

Buck Wilmington

Host to the hotel guests

Entertaining and charming

Mentoring JD

 

Vin Tanner

A Texas Ranger

Carefully watching the guests

A keen observer

 

Ezra Standish

A cautious pit boss

Caught by the eye in the sky

Banned from casinos

 

JD Dunne

Electronic wizard

Caught by a horse riding lass

Kissing under the moon

 

Josiah Sanchez

Tending a diverse flock

A missionary's man son

Skilled in martial arts

 

Nathan Jackson

Physician on call

A sparkling bedside manner

A generous man

 

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Gambling Quotes to Live By…

 

Below are a few words of advice that Mag7/Las Vegas Ezra Standish found extremely useful. 

 

"Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker."  Matt Damon, Rounders

 

"He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces." 

Mark Twain

 

"Why does this still seem like gambling to you? I mean, why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker every single year?  What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?  It's a skill game, Jo."  Matt Damon, Rounders

 

"At the gambling table, there are no fathers and sons."

 Chinese Proverb

 

"Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit." R. E. Shay

 

"A gambler with a system must be, to a greater or lesser extent, insane."

George Augustus Sala (1828-95) English writer and journalist

 

"Gambling is a principle inherent in nature."  Edmund Burke, House of Commons speech (1780)

 

"Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something."  

Wilson Mizner 

 

"In a bet there is a fool and a thief."  Proverb

 

"A Smith & Wesson beats four aces."  American Proverb

 

"If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time."  Chinese Proverb

 

"If you play bridge badly you make your partner suffer, but if you play poker badly you make everybody happy."  Joe Laurie Jr.

"Cards are war, in disguise of a sport."  Charles Lamb

 

*These gambling quotes were found at the following websites:

http://www.howtogamble.net/quotes.htm

http://www.4online-gambling.com/gamblingquotes.htm

http://www.quotegarden.com/gambling.html

http://chatna.com/theme/poker.htm

 

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Standish’s Words of Wisdom

 

"I abhor gambling and as such, leave nothing to chance." 
Ezra Standish, Ghosts of Confederacy

 

"Your fate is in the cards, gentlemen. Remember that." 

 Ezra Standish, Ghosts of Confederacy

 

"When the sanctified dead rise from their graves to receive judgment,

I'll start doling out cash."  Ezra Standish, The Collector

 

"I don't need to work, my friend. I get paid every time you boys

sit down to a game."  Ezra Standish, Safecracker

 

"Lessons will cost you extra."  Ezra Standish, Safecracker

 

"I neglected to abide by a fundamental tenet in my line of work:

 never gamble with an entire clan."  Ezra Standish, The New Law

 

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MoM Awards – Magnificent Statistics

 

Did you know. . .?????

 

In the past six years of MoM. Awards, we have received

1,652 nominations. 

 

In 2004 we received the most nominations with 376.

 

In the previous five years, there have been 13 categories that

tied with two winners.

 

In 2006, two stories received perfect scores and in 2005

one story received a perfect score. 

 

In 2004 we had our highest number of judges with 51 volunteers.  

 

The written awards program for 2006 had 2,018 page views

and 501 unique viewers.

 

Our busiest July for the Awards group was July 2004 with 271 posts.

 

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Dunne’s Humor Column

 

"My husband’s going to a casino in central Asia," says one elderly Bingo player to another.

 

"Tibet?"

 

"Of course," the old woman says, quite annoyed. "Why else would he go to a casino?"

 

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Rearrange the letters:  SLOT MACHINES.

 

Answer:  CASH LOST IN EM.

 

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Bill Gates arrives at the port heaven and hell. Peter says, "Bill, we don't know what to do with you, so you can choose if you want to go to heaven or hell."

 

Bill peeks into heaven and sees a couple of old, boring men sitting at a table. Bill takes a look into hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all gambling.

 

Impressed, Bill says, "I am a gambling man. I want to go to hell!"

 

Once in hell, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire. As he's burning in the flames, Bill  shouts, "Hey! What is this?!! I saw all the gambling, the women, and the sex."

 

The devil says, "That was just the demo version."

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

A blonde is in Vegas vacationing with her friends. She walks to a candy machine and puts in two coins. She turns the knob and a candy bar falls out.

 

She picks up the candy bar and puts it in her pocket. The she puts two more coins into the machine and turns the knob; again a candy falls out and she puts it in her pocket.

 

The blonde smiles, puts two more coins into the machine and again turns the knob, producing yet another candy bar.

 

A man has been watching from a short distance away and walks up to the blonde. He says, "Excuse me miss, what are you doing?"

 

The blonde replies, "Duh! I'm winning here!"

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray. "God please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

 

Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.

 

Joe again prays. "Please let me win the lottery. I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

 

Lottery night comes and Joe still has no luck.

 

Once again Joe prays. "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask for help, and I've always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the  lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

 

Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open, and Joe is confronted by the voice of God himself. "Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

 A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand are arguing about whether or not it is appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player says, "When I get bad cards, it isn't the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer has nothing to do with it. Why should I tip him?"

The dealer says, "When you eat out, do you tip the waiter?"

"Yes," the player says.

"Well, that's because the waiter serves you food. I serve you cards, so you should tip me."

"OK," the player says, "but the waiter gives me what I ask for."
 

 

These jokes were found at:

http://www.gamblingplanet.org/jokes_main.php

http://www.jokes.net/redheadatthecasino.htm

http://www.gamblingplanet.org/jokes_main.php

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦  ♠  ♣  ♥  ♦  ♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

Magnificent (Mambo Number) Seven 
(to the chorus of "Mambo #5")
 
A little bit of Larabee in my life
A little bit of Wilmington by my side
A little bit of Tanner's all I need
A little bit of Nathan's what I see
A little bit of Sanchez in the sun
A little bit of Ezra all night long
A little bit of JD here I am
A little bit of them makes me their fan!

 ♠  ♣  ♥  ♦  ♠  ♣  ♥  ♦  ♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

Everyone's Free

(To Watch The Magnificent Seven)

(Influenced by Everyone’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen))

Written by Katie Bischoff

 

Ladies and Gentlemen from the viewers of '99,

watch The Magnificent Seven.

 

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, watching would be it.  The long-term benefits of watching have been proven by the dedication of the viewers, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.  I will dispense this advice now.

 

Enjoy the power and beauty of the first 22 episodes. Oh, never mind.  You will not understand the power and beauty of these episodes until your tapes have faded.  But trust me, a few years from now you'll look back at these episodes and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before the cast and how great they really were. 

 

Charlotte was not as bad as you imagine.

 

Don't worry about the future of the show - we will bring it back.  Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to get CBS to listen to us by sounding like a bunch of teeny-boppers.  The real troubles for the show are apt to be the things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 2:30 am on some idle Wednesday, or at 9:00 pm on Friday when you realize you're out of blank tapes.

 

Listen to Josiah, even if his advice scares you.

 

Drink at the saloon.

 

Don't be reckless with other people's fan fiction.  Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

 

Gamble - with Ezra, not against him.

 

Don't waste your time on being jealous of Mary.  Sometimes she likes Chris, sometimes she likes Gerard…the season is long, and in the end she didn't end up with either one of them.

 

Remember the good episodes.  Forget the bad ones. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

 

Keep your faith in the show.  Throw away the form responses.

 

Never forget to remember.

 

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.  Buck didn't know what he wanted to do with his life.  Josiah still doesn't.

 

Get plenty of Vin.

 

Be kind to our boys.  You'll miss them if they go.

 

Maybe Chris and Mary will get together, maybe they won't.  Maybe JD and Casey will get together, maybe they won't. Maybe you'll never get married, like Maude, maybe you'll never have a chance, like Nathan.  Whatever you do, don't congratulate the producers too much, or berate them either.  Their choices are half chance.  So are everybody else's.

 

Enjoy your guns.  Use them every way you can.  Don't be afraid of them, or what they might do to other people.  They're the greatest tools you'll ever own.

 

Bathe, even if you have to do it alone.

 

Read Vin's poetry, even if he can't.

 

Do not read TV Guide, it will only depress you when you can't find a listing for the show.

 

Get to know the Seven.  You never know when they may unfortunately be gone for good.  Be nice to the guest stars.  They're the best link to the past, and the people most likely to come back in the future.

 

Understand that good shows come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to tape the episodes that mean the most to you, because the older you get, the more you need the shows you watched when you were young.

 

Live in New York City once, but leave before you get labeled a greenhorn.

 

Live in California once, but leave before you get labeled as Michael Biehn's stalker.

 

Travel - but never alone.  Always go with Sheriff Wilmington or

Sheriff Dunne.

 

Accept certain inalienable truths: ratings will fall, networks will be stupid, your show, too, will get old. And when it does, you'll fantasize that when you were young, ratings were high, networks were smart, and shows were good.

 

The Magnificent Seven is good.

 

Don't expect anyone else to understand your obsession with the show - but don't hold it against them.  Maybe they watch soap operas.  Maybe they watch Friends.  But you never know when they'll come to their senses.

 

Don't mess too much with JD's body, or by the time he's 21, he'll

be dead.

 

Be careful whose summaries you buy, but be patient with those who supply them.  There's always someone who's been watching the show longer than you, and knows just a little bit more.  Explaining old episodes is a way to fish them from the past, wipe them off, and relive the joy of the first time you saw them.

 

But trust me on the watching.

 

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